Not all marriages result in a happily ever after. People get together and even start families together for the wrong reason all the time. Sometimes an unexpected tragedy can absolutely shred the foundation of a relationship, and it won’t be either partner’s fault. There are so many reasons why your romantic relationship may end, but what remains consistent through it all is that you will remain a parent until the day you die. You cannot sever your relationship with your child, nor should you want to.
You also can’t change the fact that your ex is your child’s other parent, either. That’s why it’s so important to work through your divorce as a team so you can co-parent effectively. There are so many ways you can co-parent, maintain a routine, and achieve balance for your family after your separation, especially if you start with this guide:
Put the Work In
It can be hard to transition from partners to co-parents, especially if your divorce was messy. Know that you don’t need to do this step alone. Two Healthy Homes has many helpful guides and even courses to help you learn how to co-parent effectively so your kids grow up as well-adjusted as possible. Having two homes does not spell doom for kids. Having parents who can’t stand to be in the same room together or attempts to pit their kids against each other does. With the right co-parenting approach, you two can effectively raise your kids in two locations.
Build a Routine That Closely Involves Both of You
Kids need a routine to feel stable. With that in mind, you and your partner are going to want to establish a new routine that stays steady as soon as possible. In an ideal world, this will mean living nearby. If you can find another apartment in the same building, for example, or just live down the street from your kids, then you’ll find co-parenting far easier and far more successful than if you lived on the other side of town – at least while the kids are young. Work on creating a stable routine that doesn’t have pain points, and you can almost seamlessly raise your kids alongside each other.
Go to Things Together
If you can’t stand to be in the same room together, that needs to stop. You cannot split up games, plays, birthdays, and so on all the time. If you want to be a good parent, you are going to need to be in the same place as your ex a lot. You may even want to try out couples therapy. There are post-divorce sessions you can take that help you learn how to be better co-parents. It’s the same principle that lets people work well together at work but not be friends after work.
Be Nothing But Respectful of Your Ex in Front of Your Kids
You can hate your ex till the cows come home. Just don’t let your kids know that. They need to be free to have their own relationship with your ex and vice versa. Take your relationship out of the equation because it’s only going to cause confusion and issues. This doesn’t mean you sweep your ex’s bad behavior under the rug and ignore it; it just means you shouldn’t let how you feel influence your kids.
Maintaining routine and balance after a divorce or separation helps create stability for the family. Small changes, like sending Christmas cards after divorce, can also help.
2018 ·
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